A little humour...
Lab Results:The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.'
'Mrs. Sanders, please.'
'Speaking.'
'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.'
'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.
'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which.'
'That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Sanders.
'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'
'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'
'The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.
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An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas . Bert always wanted a
pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and
wore them home.
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, 'Notice
anything different about me?'
Margaret looked him over. 'Nope.'
Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back
into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.
Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, 'Notice anything
different NOW?'
Margaret looked up and exclaimed, 'Bert, what's different? It's hanging
down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again
tomorrow!'
Furious, Bert yelled, 'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?'
'Nope', she replied.
'IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!'
Without changing her expression, Margaret replied, 'Shoulda bought a hat,
Bert. Shoulda bought a hat.'
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
An elderly couple was attending Mass.
About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband,
'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?
He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation,someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.
'Name's Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come. About 5:00.'
'Great', says Tom, 'after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you.'
As Lars is leaving, he stops. 'Gotta warn you. .....be some drinkin'.'
'Not a problem' says Tom. 'After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em.'
Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. 'More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too.'
'Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right. I'll be there. Thanks again.'
'More'n likely be some wild sex, too.'
'Now that's really not a problem' says Tom, warming to the idea. 'I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?'
'Don't much matter.. Just gonna be the two of us
posted by workingman @ 9:37 AM
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